30 Ways to Piss Off the Pizza Place

1. Make up charge-card names. Ask if they accept it.
2. Use CB lingo where applicable
3. Order the Big Mac Extra Value Meal
4. Tell the order taker that a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder.
5. Answer questions with questions
6. In your breathiest voice, tell them to cut the crap about nutrition and ask if they have something absolutely sinful.
7. Use these bonus words in the conversation: Robust.Free-Spirited.Cost Efficient.Ukranian Puce.
8. Tell them to put the crust on top this time.
9. Sing the order to the tune of your favorite song from Metallica's "Master of Puppets" CD.
10. Do not name the toppings you want. Instead, spell them out.
11. Put an extra egde on your voice when you say "crazy bread."
12. Stutter on the letter 'P'.
13. Change your accent every three seconds.
14. When they repeat your order, say "OK. That'll be $10.99, please pull up to the second window."
15. Ask if you get to keep the pizza box.
16. Put the accent on the last syllable of "pepperoni". Use the long "i" sound.
17. Imitate the order taker's voice.
18. Eliminate verbs from your speech.
19. Amuse the order taker with little-known facts about country music.
20. Ask what toppings go best with a well-aged Chardonnay.
21. Use expletives like "Great Caesar's Ghost" and "Jesus Joseph and Mary in Tinsel Town."
22. When they repeat your order, say "Again, with a little moore OOMPH this time."
23. Ask if they are familiar with the term "spanking a pizza." Make up a description to go along with the term. Ask that this be done to your pizza.
24. Learn to play a simple blues riff on the harmonica. Stop talking at regular intervals to play it.
25. When the order is repeated, change it slightly. When it is repeated again, change it some more. On the third time, say "You just don't get it do you?"
26. When given the price, say "Ooooooo, that sounds complicated. I hate math."
27. Haggle
28. When they ask if that'll be all, snicker, and say "Well we'll find out, won't we?"
29. Order with a speak-n-spell when applicable.
30. Dance around the word 'pizza'. Avoid using it at all costs. And if the order-taker says it, say "Please don't mention that word."