Some jokes...

Musician joke of the day:

Q: What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?
A: Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

doh!

And now back to our regularly scheduled documentary: "Doodles: The drawing chimp."


So I've been sent many emails with jokes, and stuff in them. A lot of them make me laugh. So I've taken a few that put a smile on my face, and I'll re-post them here so hopefully they can put a smile on your face as well.


One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightgown. "Tie me up, " she purred, "and you can do anything you want."

- So he tied her up and went golfing.

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A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I just won the lottery!!" The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack? Beach stuff, or mountain stuff?"

- "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get out."

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Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is the husband.

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Mother Superior called all of the nuns together and said to them, "I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent."
"Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back, "I'm so tired of chardonnay."

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A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once! TOO MANY! Turn them. TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD!! Where is the BUTTER?? They're going to stick! CAREFUL! CAREFUL! I said CAREFUL! you NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY?? Have you LOST you mind?? Don't forget the SALT! You know you always forget the salt. Use the salt! USE THE SALT!!

The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry up a couple of eggs? I've been doing it forever!"

The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."

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Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a Nort Carolina mountain man, went into the Army. On his first day of basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon, the barber shaved off all of his hair. On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked out seven of his teeth. On the third day, they issued him a jock strap...

...the Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years now.

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That's it, folks. Go back to what ever you were doing. Shows over.

Peace out trick-or-treaters, EggBeaters omelet, here I come...