Musicians joke of the day:
A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician. To that, she replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."Doh!!
**** we interrupt this program to bring you this exciting news update...
Since my second child was born, I have really noticed how much freakin money children cost. I mean, my wife and I have good jobs, and make decent money; we have a cool little house, and have not experienced financial hardships (ramen noodles and EasyMac for dinner) for a few years now. I would say that we are on very much on our feet. When our daughter was born, we didn't really struggle because we had prepared a little. Last year, when I started my new job, I raised my income about 20% and we were doing great. Fast forward to today. Where the fuck is all my money??? We had another child, Thomas Coltrane Stagg, on July 19th, 2006. Could he be the reason for this disappearing money......
Yup.
Holy Shit! I really didn't realize how much kids cost until now. Since Tommy was born, I've seen my bank account reach a new low, I've had to start taking my lunch to work, and I'm actually eating a lot of pasta for dinner.
Recently my friend and his wife found out that they were expecting. He is very scared. So what do I tell him? Yes, it costs a lot to have kids, but it's worth it. People with kids will agree with that sentence, but for someone expecting their first child, it doesn't really sink in just yet. Because my friend is in the financial accounting world, I had to try a different approach. So I said to think of kids as an investment. Actually kids are the best investment ever.
Lets look at exactly what you get for your investment...
* Naming Rights
* Glimpses of God everyday
* Giggles under the covers everynight
* More love than your heart can hold
* Butterfly kisses and Velcro hugs
* Endless wonder over ants, rocks, clouds, and warm cookies.
* A hand to hold, usually covered with some sorta sticky jelly or chocolate.
* A partner for blowing bubbles and flying kites.
* Someone to laugh yourself silly with, no matter what the boss said that day.
And as an added bonus, as a return on your investment, you never have to grow up!! You get to:
* Finger-paint
* carve pumpkins
* play hide and seek
* Catch lightning bugs, and
* never stop believing in Santa Claus.
You'll have an excuse to:
* keep reading the adventures of Piglet and Pooh
* watching Saturday morning cartoons
* going to Disney movies
* wishing on stars
* you get to frame rainbows, hearts, and flowers under refridgerator magnets, and collect spray-painted noodle wreaths for Christmas, hand prints set in clay for Mother's Day, and cards with backwards letters for Father's Day.
The return is so much more that the cost of the investment. There is no greater bang for your buck. You get to be a hero just for:
* Retrieving the ball from over the neighbor's fence.
* Taking training wheels off the bike.
* Removing a splinter
* filling a wading pool
* Coaxing a wad of gum out of bangs
You also get to be a witness to history, as you see the:
* first steps
* first words
* first bra
* first date
*first time behind the wheel
You get to be immortal. You get another branch added to your family tree, and if your lucky, a long list of limbs in your obituary called grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. You get an education in Psychology, nursing, sociology, criminal justice, communication, human sexuality, and negotiation/conflict management that no college can match!
In the eyes of a child, you rank up there with God. You have the power to scare away the "woo", to heal a boo-boo, to patch a broken heart, police a slumber party, ground them forever, and love them without limits, so one day they will like you.
Sounds like quite a deal for the money. So don't think that kids will ruin your life financially. You actually end up better in the end. Trust me. My daughter woke up while I was typing this, and now she is standing beside me, patiently waiting for me to get done so we can do our "silly dance" that we do every morning. Sounds crazy, but I would give up everything in my bank account for this silly dance. Because when I look in her eyes as she is laughing hysterically, I don't think about anything else.
Peace out bitches............silly dancin', here I come!
