Don't Try This at Home - PART II

Band Rule of the Week:
Never start a trio with a married couple.

Moron of the week:
AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package.
...perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.

***ATTENTION***

Ladies and Gentlemen, it's the long awaited return of the.....(drum roll please)

DAVID HASSLEHOFF FACT OF THE DAY!
David Hasslehoff once challenged Lance Armstrong to a "who has more testicles" contest. The Hoff won by 5.


(...we now return to our regularly scheduled documentary: "Kidney Stones and Beans: Learn to Separate Pain and Flatulence.")



So if you have read my previous blog entitled "Don't try this at home", you know that I really like to conduct little 'social experiments' in public places, making mental notes of the outcomes for future use in my book. Some of the situations can be very uncomfortable, especially around people that I know. Regardless, I need to do these tests in order for me to keep a healthy level of insanity. The tests below are for an office settings and also public places, like malls, etc.. Because I work in a corporate office setting, I have founds that some of these are quite suitable. Feel free to try these at your leisure. By all means, let me know the outcomes.

1. At lunch, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down. Try to catch the looks on their faces.

2. Page your self over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that.

4. Put your garbage can on your desk with a label on it that reads "IN".

5. Put decaf coffee in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Everyone's body will get used to not having the caffeine. On the 4th week, switch to Espresso.

6. Finish all your sentences with: "In Accordance With The Prophecy."

7. In the memo field of all your checks, write: 'for smuggling diamonds'

8. Don't use punctuation.

9. As often as possible, SKIP rather than walk.

10. Order a diet water whenever you go out to eat. Keep a serious face.

11. Specify that your drive-thru order is 'to go.'

12. Sing along at an Opera

13. Go to a poetry reading and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

14. Put up mosquito netting around your work space and play a CD with tropical sounds.

15. Five days in advance, RSVP that you won't be attending an event because your not in the mood.

16. When the money comes out of the ATM, start screaming "I've won!!! I'VE WON!!!!"

17. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot screaming "They're loose! Run for your lives, they're loose!!"



Peace out, bitches......Percacet and a nap, here I come.